mixed bag

Things have been going pretty well this week. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I hit the gym hard and did 60 minutes of cardio followed by 40 minutes of pilates. I've been trying to incorporate more HIIT on the treadmill (sprinting/walking). I did this every day a few years ago and got into the best shape of my life. But I also ate really, really clean back then too. Grr, sort of need to work on that. 

Food wise things have been pretty OK. I've been staying around 800-900 calories and have been eating all healthy foods and very little carbs (just veggies and fruit) so far this week. Tonight I won't have time for the gym because I'm meeting a friend for happy hour. This means I'll be drinking 1-2 maybe 3 glasses of wine or beer. I haven't had any booze since Saturday though so I think it's ok. 

The not so great thing this week has been my weight. I weighed in really high on Monday and I thought I would have lost water weight since then but the scale has only dropped -2 lbs. Usually, I can drop 4-5 lbs of weight/water weight after a weekend of eating and drinking. IDK. 

This weekend I think I want to do some sort of cleanse. I was thinking a juice cleanse but I don't have a juicer haha. So then I was thinking I would just buy fresh juices from Whole Foods and have a couple of those + coffee. Has anyone done a juice cleanse before?

back?

I'm thinking of coming back to blogger land and posting in here again. I took a break and tried to get my life in order and focus on other things besides weight/calories/my body/etc. That worked for a while, but then I undid a lot of hard worked and gained. I think I'm up +5 lbs since the beginning of summer, which is actually a lot for my height (5'4"). It's noticeable and it's driving me crazy. 

I want to lose at least 10-12lbs. I've been working out hard this past week (cardio, running, pilates) and trying to eat under 800 calories. I don't know if I should stay at this level, go lower (by incorporating fasts), or go higher (~1000-1200) and go the slow and healthy route. Fuck I don't know. I think I'll just stick with 800 for now. For some reason that number seems to work for me (usually).

double time

Wow it's been a while since I've updated this. Life has just been so busy. I took two final exams last week and I'm still recovering from that and catching up on laundry, errands, appointments, etc. I wanted to up the ante on my workout regime this past week, but instead I caught up on sleep. I think my body (and mind) really needed that time to unwind and relax after an intense semester. Summer is right around the corner so I really want to kick things into high gear. I've been having a rather fat and lazy day all day today. I got my period this morning so I feel bloated and crampy and tired. Basically, all around gross and disgusted. I've hardly left the house despite it being so nice out. Oh well, sometimes you just need these days. Tomorrow I will get back on track. I'm going to be super strict this week. Memorial Day weekend is next weekend and that's basically the unofficial start of summer. So, yeah, I need to get my shit ttogether. I refuse to be fat for summer. I want to be thin, taunt, and toned in my bikini. This means I need to do lots and lots of cardio + resistance training + abs + low calories. I'm going go take it day by day, week by week.

thank you

You girls are so sweet. Thank you for the really kind and supportive comments. I was nervous to post photos because I know I'm not the tinniest girl or the thinnest girl, but you girls made me feel better about it all. I'm still working hard and I'm motivated to reach my goals. I want to get smaller, thinner, and more toned by Memorial Day weekend. That's a month away! If I work hard, get my workouts in, and eat right I think I can get there. I just need to keep my eye on the prize and bust my butt these next few weeks. I'm mentally in the right place so I really do feel like I can reach my goals. I don't DESPISE my body, but I know what I want and I know I can there if I work hard enough. I need to lose the excess fat that's covering my body, particularly my abs, legs, arms.. actually everywhere. I'm also a bit self-conscious about my muscle mass, sometimes I think I'm too muscular (arms, legs) but maybe If I get rid of the layers of fat covering it I may see something different. Today is Friday. I'm determined to stay on track this weekend.

(photo removed)

I still have a ways to go, but I think I'm starting to lean out. I'm in the middle of 30 Day Shred. I couldn't do it every single day due to school (full time job + part-time school). Some nights I was able to get it in at 10pm, but other nights it was just too late. I'm still planning to do all 30 days, but it's just going to be over a longer period of time (maybe 40-45 days or so). Anyway, here is me at Day 20 or so. (I want to get leaner, and smaller, and lighter. I think I can stand to lose 8-10lbs)

alive

I haven't updated in a really long time. I know I've been neglecting this blog and I hate that, but between work, school, and other responsibilities, things have just been so, so busy. I'm still working my butt off to get my body ready for summer though. Some days are harder than others. The weekends, in particular, are the worst for me. I think this is known. I overeat and have the mindset that I'll undo the damage come Monday. It sucks because it's turned into a cycle of good week, bad weekend, good week, bad weekend, etc. my weight has been mostly range-bound or just slightly lower.

I'm more than half way through 30 Day Shred and you can definitely see a difference in my appearance. More muscle, less flab! My arms and legs are more toned, which I'm very happy about. Now I just need to get my abs to hop on board.

I have a big party on Saturday night and I plan to work really hard this week so that I can look good in the new dress I bought. Lord knows everyone and their mom will be taking pictures and posting them on facebook, so I MUST look fit (and tan and cute, of course). Clean eating, lots of cardio & 30DS, and a ton of extra sleep should get me ready. I hope all you lovely ladies have been doing well and staying positive and focused on your goals. Let's do this.

time is now

Happy April. New month, fresh start. I'm determined to make this my best month ever. I'm still going strong on the 30 Day Shred and I'm seeing a noticeable difference in not on my body, but also my endurance and stamina. My arms are looking hot too due to all the push-ups and upper body exercises. I'm excited to get in bikini shape for summer. I know it's common sense, but I think I've finally realized that nourishing my body with clean, healthy foods and exercise really DOES lead to good things. My mood is better, my energy is better, my whole attitude and outlook on life is better. I'm tired of starving for perfection. It's been hard to up my calorie intake (right now I'm trying to eat 1200 per day) but it's been paying off big time.

Here are some daily/weekly goals I've made for myself to get the month started:

Daily Goals:
- nourish body with clean, healthy foods (lots of fruit, veggies, lean protein)
- exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, no excuses (right now doing 30DS)
- try to get 7-8 hours of sleep per night
- take vitamins
- drink at least 60 oz of water
- be fully engaged in everything I do

Weekly Goals:
- get heart pumping with at least 4 days of cardio
- limit sugar intake