first post

So here we are. This is my first ever blogger post. I had no idea this ED blogger world existed, but I’m happy that I found it. I guess I should introduce myself: I’m a 26 year-old full-time business analyst living and working in a metropolitan city. I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I do have disordered eating habits. I go through periods where I restrict, fast, and exercise a lot. Growing up, I was very active and was really into spots. I played competitively all through grade school, high school, and college. I was always on the go and due to sports/youth/high metabolism I never had any weight issues. I was fit and toned for as long as I can remember and I got away with eating whatever I wanted. The whole idea of body image and calories and weight loss never crossed my radar until the end of college. I stumbled upon some online communities and posted pictures of myself for others to guess my weight. I started to think about my body and actively tried to lose weight and tone up around this time. After I graduated, I stopped playing sports and became paranoid that all of my muscle was going to turn into fat (yes, I know that’s not even possible). So I started to restrict and went to the gym every day that summer and was probably in the best shape of my life. That winter (2008), I restricted even more and upped the ante at the gym for spring break. My body was starving, but I looked good. Flat stomach, toned arms, toned legs. I lost control while on spring break and ate a ton and drank a ton. I gained about 5lbs. This cycle (lose, gain, lose) has continued and since then my weight has been yo-yoing within an 8-10lb range. I’m currently 5’4 and 123lbs. I was 113lbs the winter of 2008 when I thought I looked the best. Most people think I weigh less than I do, but I’m a pear shape and have a fair amount of muscle from playing spots. My goal is to get back down to 113lbs at least and to record my journey here.