what a difference a week makes

Ugh, where to start. I feel gross. I woke up this morning ate breakfast and was still hungry so I ate a snack, then another, and another. I was mistaking my exhaustion for hunger. Fuck. Instead of eating 100's of calories I should have just gone back to bed. I'm still so tired. I've been tired all day. And have had no motivation to do anything. I haven't even worked out today.

Seriously, what a difference a week makes. Last weekend I was on top of the world. I was doing my juice fast/cleanse, felt great, and had a ton of energy. This weekend all I feel like doing is staying in so I can hid from the world and snack all day. Ugh, I just feel gross and like I'm back at square one. All that hard work I did last weekend seems like it has been cancelled out now. I really should be cleaning my apartment, doing homework for next week, and going out with friends. Instead, I'm sitting on the couch eating stuff I shouldn't be.

I really, really, really want to fast tomorrow and possibly Monday. Monday night I have a 3-hour class after work. I've never fasted on a work+school day so I don't know if I could go that long on nothing but I'll try. Maybe even a fast-5. Either way, the plan is to fast tomorrow. A friend is throwing a big party tomorrow to celebrate the beginning of football season. He's making homemade chili and some other food. I know everyone will just be sitting around watching the game and eating food and drinking beer. I already told him I probably can't make it because I have other plans. I really hate that I've fallen right back to where I started pre-juice cleanse. FML

weird day

Today has been a strange day. I don’t really know how to explain it. Maybe I’m tired or maybe it’s the rain, but all I want to do is go home and get under the covers and hid from the world. Instead, I get to go to class tonight. School’s back in session so two nights per week I’ll be going to class after a full day of work. I generally like school and love the people in my classes, but I’m not totally feeling it today. I don’t know. I’m just in a funk. I was getting anxious about all of this and I found myself in front of the vending machine. Of course, there was a person behind me in line so I had to make my choice quickly – 1.5 oz bag of Goldfish. Ugh, the moment it came out I was like “I don’t even want this.” But I ended up eating it because I was so stressed and anxious about having to go to school. I always eat when I’m stressed. So 200 calories later and my mood has gotten worse. Now all I can think about is this unhealthy, carby snack sitting in my stomach and the fact that I won’t be going to the gym today because of school. Ugh.

Also, my weight was up this morning but I knew that was going to happen after my juice cleanse finished. But now I’m nervous that it’s going to be up again tomorrow morning because of these damn Goldfish. Also, we’re going to the bar after class tonight to celebrate “back to school.” Then tomorrow we're getting free pizza for lunch at work (ew, skipping) and then out for drinks after work (not skipping). All I can say is that I see another fast-5/fasting cleanse in my near future. :( I was contemplating doing a fast-5 tomorrow but I don't want to get drunk in front of my boss/co-workers so I better put some food in my stomach.

I did more clothes shopping today (online). You'd think retail therapy would cheer me up, but instead I have buyers remorse because I feel like I've been spending way too much $$$ these days. Ugh, I can't wait until this day is o-v-e-r.

Post-cleanse

Thanks for all the encouraging comments. The 3-day juice cleanse went very well. There were a few instances (especially on day 3) when I wanted to cave in a eat a solid food, but my willpower and self-disciple came out on top and stayed strong all three days. It was so gratifying to prove to myself that I could do something that I put my mind to!

I stepped on the scale this morning and was almost -6 lbs down from pre-juice cleanse! I'm very happy about this and super motivated to keep that scale number going down. However, as I was back to eating food today I realized that I will probably gain some of that back since some of it is water weight :( I MUST remind myself of this when I step on the scale tomorrow morning so that I don't freak out and get discouraged.

Today has been pretty good. I went back to work and that was tough after a long holiday weekend. Eating was good. I've had about 800 cals and I think I'm done for the day. I broke my juice cleanse with a nice juicy apple for breakfast and it was perfect. Veggie salad for lunch and soup for dinner then apple, tuna, and a hard boiled egg for snacks in between. I also hit the gym and did 1 hour of hardcore cardio. I'm hoping to keep this up, although I have post-work events on Wed. and Thus. so I won't be able to hit the gym the next two days. This just means I have to keep my cals in check.

I think I'd really like to do a juice cleanse maybe once every month or two. It feels great, but it's not easy.

Update

Day 3 is almost over. I did end up getting my butt out of the house. I went to the mall and picked up the St. Tropez Tanning Mousse. I can't wait to use it later tonight! I also got a new lip gloss but saved 10% because of the holiday sales. It feels good to indulge in myself every now and then. I don't spend money on nice things like this often so when I do it makes me feel good.

So.. I've been in a strange mood all day today. I woke up feeling very lonely. I could have gone to visit friends or my family, but I didn't want to be tempted by food. Every time I around people they are always eating or want to go out to eat because it's a social thing to do. I couldn't risk it so I decided to not even put myself in that situation. Anyway, early today I found out that a few of my friends went away for the Labor Day weekend without me. I felt extremely left out to say the least. I know that I would have declined the invitation to go anyway because 1) i had a hair appt and 2) I wasn't feeling good about my body/I didn't want to be in a bikini, and 3) I wanted to try out this cleanse. But, still I felt very upset that I was invited by my one girlfriend. The two guys that live there wouldn't have invited any of us girls anyway. But M (whose parents live there) and A (who doesn't have any family there) and I were talking a few weeks (months?) back about how it would be fun to go away for Labor Day weekend. I never heard anything from M and A, but apparently M invited A to go and not me. Granted, A has been to M's before (and is closer to M) but I just felt to out of the loop. Whatever, I'm over it. I'm not going to be mad. Maybe she had family up there and there was only room for one guest. Anyway, I ran into one of the guys as I was coming home from the mall and he was all "hey how was your weekend? yea mine was great!" and I knew he probably spent a good portion of it hanging out with M and A. I didn't say anything about the girls and he didn't either. I just said I had a great weekend, visited my family, etc. Anyway, I'm over it. 

The plan for tonight: nice hot shower, try out my new self-tanning, movie/tv time, bed early, weigh in in the AM (can't wait!).

juice cleanse - day 3

It's about 3pm on day 3 of my 3-day juice cleanse. Today has been the most difficult day so far. I'm just really lazy and I haven't left my apartment all day so all the free time is making me antsy and all the tv watching with food commercials is making me hungry. I'm still going strong though! So far I've had 2.5 bottles of juice. I woke up with a completely flat stomach and over -4 lbs down from before my juice cleanse started. One of the biggest motivators today is tomorrow morning and being able to step on the scale to see how much I've lost on 3 days of juice fasting. Can't wait.

I'm trying to muster up enough energy to get my butt out of here. I want to go buy the St. Tropez Self-tanning Mousse so I can get tanner. I haven't been able to tan much this summer and I'm way to pale for post-Labor Day weekend. This weekend juice cleanse has been awesome but I also need to get my butt back in the gym. I basically took the weekend off to focus on cleansing and making sure my body was working on detoxing itself rather than repairing my muscles, etc. Starting tomorrow it's back to the gym though. I want to kickup my cardio regime and do more running.

I'll update later with how the rest of my juice cleanse goes today.

juice cleanse - day 2

I'm having another great juice cleanse day. I slept 9 hours, woke up refreshed and lighter, did my hair, had some coffee and juice and then left the house. I spent 5 hours walking around the city (20,000 steps according to fitbit!). I got my nails done and then hit the mall and bought another work skirt, work shirt, and cute weekend tank). Now I need to find some fall cardigans and shoes for fall. I was contemplating buying a gold-rose watch for myself but I think I might put that on hold. I'd rather spend $200 on boots than a watch. I don't know. I don't usually make such large, expensive purchases like $200 watches for myself. It's so much money to spend on one item that I won't even be wearing every day. It's more of a treat than a necessity so that's why I keep putting it off. I think the idea of it is more intriguing than actually owning it. If I can get a really, really good deal then maybe I'll buy one for myself. We'll see...

I found a nice organic market that had a juice bar inside and ordered a carrot, beet, celery, ginger juice. It was delicious! And made for the perfect lunch. Then I walked back across town and went to Whole Foods to get my juices for tomorrow. Here, I decided to splurge a bit and buy the $10 White Cashew detox juice that I mentioned the other day. That's going to be my "dinner" tomorrow night/the last juice I have for my 3-day juice cleanse.

After I got home from Whole Foods I was hungry. I was so tempted to bite into one of the apples I bought (for later this week), but instead I took a nice, long nap. Naps are the best. I always forget how great they make me feel. I was so refreshed and relaxed when I woke up.

Now I'm drinking green tea. I'm going to clean up a bit and then watch a movie and drink "dinner" haha. Then I'll read and hit the sack early again. This is turning out to be a really nice/much needed relaxing weekend

Quick Update

I slept 9 hours last night and feel great. I woke up with a flat stomach (no bloat!!) and almost -3 lbs down from yesterday morning before I started my juice cleanse. 

Yesterday turned out to be a successful day. I had energy to do the things I wanted to do and then I just came home and relaxed. I caught up on some TV, read Fifty Shades of Grey (omfg), then went to bed early. 

Today my plan is to WALK (35-45 minutes) to the mall, do some shopping, get my nails done, then walk to the juice bar (a real juice bar where they juice your order on the spot!), and then come home. Then I'll probably clean, maybe watch movie, and read. Oh, and I'm going to do some pilates today. Did I mention that Miley Cyrus is my new motvation??! Ok I really don't like her all that much, but her bod is killer right now. Apparently, she does loads and loads of pilates these days. I'll leave you with this:

juice cleanse - day 1

My juice cleanse/detox has been going well so far. So far I've had 32oz of juice today. I got mixed up and thought I was allowed to have 4 servings of juice, but really it's 4 bottles (2 servings/bottle) so I have two more bottles to go! The juices are really yummy and I feel great. Not hungry for food at all.

I realized that I'm going to be a hermit this weekend. I really can't be around people when I'm trying to NOT eat. This is fine, really. I did go visit my parents this afternoon, which was nice. This morning I went to the hair salon and got a haircut then did some shopping afterwards. I got a work skirt, a work shirt, a going out/weekend top, and two pairs of earrings. There are so many Labor Day sales! I think I'm going to get up early and go shopping again tomorrow, get my nails done, and then venture over the the Juice Bar across town.

I really, really want to have some wine this weekend, but I'm pretty sure that's against the whole juice cleanse/detox thing. Grrr.