Thursday, December 29, 2011

still losing

Morning weight: 118.6

I lost 1.2 lbs overnight?! I was so shocked when I saw this number because I thought I didn't have the best day yesterday. But the body works in mysterious ways so maybe the loss had something to do with me de-stressing a bit. I spent most of the my afternoon/night with my family, including the ones who are visiting out of town and are leaving tomorrow. We ended up having a nice home cooked meal at my parents' house. I was really nervous to eat there because I wasn't sure I would be able to control myself and I had no idea what was going to be served. My mom cooked baked haddock and rice pilaf with some other side dishes. I stuck with the fish and had the smallest serving of rice, which was good because when I later looked up the calorie amount of rice pilaf I found out that 1/3 of a cup is anywhere from 150-270 calories. Wow. I had some thin almond cookies with tea after dinner then called it a night. Even though I swapped out some of my usual foods so I could eat dinner with my family I still went over my 500-700 budget. I guess taking a bit of a diet "break" and getting 8 solid hours of sleep helped me go down on the scale.

I want to say THANK YOU to you girls for your comments yesterday. I read them before I went to bed last night and that absolutely made my day!! You girls are the sweetest and I really do trust your opinions so hearing those words has made me a whole lot less anxious about the whole thing. Thank you, thank you, thank you again for your supportive and encouraging words!

Reading your comments and seeing a 1.2 loss on the scale has made me super motivated for today. It's my last full day to Do Work before I head off for my NYE weekend. I have a lot of errands to get done but my afternoon/night is wide open so I should be able to do that AND hit the gym for a couple of hours. Lots of cardio and some weights.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

dress concerns

I'm getting really nervous about my NYE dress. I love it but it's really tight and on the short side. I bought a pair of shapers and I honestly don't think they make much of a difference. I have a small stomach pooch and I'm convinced the shapers make it more pronounce. I'm going to have to do another comparison tonight. I'm seriously thinking of running over the the mall tomorrow to see if I can find another dress. I'm really picky and time's running out so I'm nervous I won't find anything. I do have another dress that I have as a backup but I really don't want to wear it because I've already worn it several times and I wanted to wear something new for NYE. I'm posting a picture of my dress below. Please tell me what you think and if you can see my stomach pooch that I'm talking about. I thought I would be able to look leaner and thinner if I worked hard enough this week but with only a two days left I'm not so sure I can do it.

(photo removed)

breaking 120

Morning weight: 119.8

I broke the 120's!! I was so happy to see this number on the scale this morning. I know it's not a low number but for me it's sort of exciting because I was in the 120's for a while. Yesterday was good. I decided to just focus on getting back on track with my eating and exercise. I was really strict with my cal intake and ate mostly protein-rich healthy foods and very low fats and carbs. All in all I kept it in the 500-700 calorie range. After work I hit the gym and did 30 minutes of weights for arms/shoulders/chest/back, 10 minutes of sprinting/jogging on the treadmill, and 60 minutes of elliptical. I felt really good and was happy I was able to get in so much gym time. When I woke up this morning I knew I must have lost but I didn't actually *feel* much lighter. I still see a stomach pooch and flabby arms. After work today I think I'm going to buy a body shaper/Spanx just in case for NYE.

Today could be tricky. There are several things I want to do after work: gym, shopping, and visit my family. I feel so selfish but I'm scared to spend so much time with my family because I tend to go off my diet when I'm around them. I don't think I can do all three things. I HAVE to go shopping/run errands before I leave on Friday and I NEED to spend more time with my family because they're leaving on Friday as well and I won't see them for months. So I think I may replace gym time with shopping and just try to get in a lot of walking time while doing that. I really don't like when I feel like I don't have control over my time and my routine but what can you do. I will just have to be strong when I visit my family. More likely than not we're going to have dinner together which means I don't be able to eat my regular low-calorie dinner of chicken and veggies. Again, I just need to stay strong and choose wisely. I'm terrified that I'll be back in the 120's tomorrow :( Thursday I plan to hit the gym hard like I did on Tuesday. So if I don't make much progress today and I can make up for it on Thursday before I leave on Friday. I feel like I'm already running low on energy... must stay focused.

I've been feeling lightheaded on daily basis for a while now. It only occurs for a split second but it sometimes scares me because I feel like it means I might faint. I never do though. Typically what happens is that I'll be sitting at my desk at work or on the couch in my living room or even walking down the street and for a split second I feel like I'm swaying back and forth. Like the ground below me is moving. I'm not sure if this is related to my eating (very probable) or just stress/anxiety-related. Over the past few years I've experienced TMJ, teeth grinding, and even shingles which my doctor says is mostly related to stress. I had a annual checkup in August or September with blood work and everything came back normal. Maybe I just need more water...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

busy busy

Christmas weekend was fun and relaxing. I spent time with family members that I only seen a few times a year so it was really nice. There was a lot of food around and I just did my best not to pig out. I allowed myself to eat whatever I felt like eating in the moment and that included mac & cheese, lasagna, cookies, cake, and chocolates among other things. I got home late last night and was so pooped I went straight to bed and forgot to weigh myself. This morning when I woke up the scale told me I had gained 1.4 lbs over the long holiday weekend. I was expecting more so I’m definitely OK with this. I was actually surprised when I saw the number but I think my hard work from last week helped with that. I also think the eating over the weekend gave my metabolism a bit of a boost, which is just what I’ll need to get through the next few days. I’m heading out of town again on Friday to spend NYE with my girlfriends. I have SO MUCH to do before I leave so I need to start making a to-do list. Things I need to balance: work, spending time with visiting family, hitting the gym, shopping for last minute items for my trip. I only have 3 and half days so I really need to prioritize. AH!

I found a dress for NYE. It’s black & gold and really cute but also REALLY TIGHT, which means my stomach needs to be absolutely flat if I want to feel comfortable. I’m really nervous about the fit of the dress. I have a backup plain black dress but I really want to wear the black & gold one. I seriously contemplating buy some SPANX (does anyone own a pair??) but I also plan to push myself hard on the diet and exercise the next couple of days. Cardio, cardio, cardio and some weights.

Friday, December 23, 2011


First -- I want to say THANK YOU for all of the encouraging and supportive comments you girls have been leaving. It means a lot to me and really helps me stay on track (:

The office potluck was not only hard, but was also really strange in the way it affected me. There was an overabundance of foods, drinks, and desserts. I did well all things considering and stuck to the low cal, healthy options. They had beer, wine, eggnog but I didn’t have any. At one point I started to feel really left out. I realized I wasn’t enjoying myself like others around me were. Everyone was eating and drinking and laughing and chatting and I was trying my best to join in on the fun but for some reason I just wasn’t feeling it. I felt self-conscious, alone, and kind of awkward. I can’t really explain it but it was a depressing feeling so I left the party early. I felt like I had two choices: (1) stay, continued to be tempted by treats and liquor, and possibly give in or (2) leave and do something more productive with my time like go to the gym. So I did the latter. I went to the gym and did 1 hour of the elliptical. I instantly felt better as I was working out, but then an hour later I was sad. Again, I can’t explain it. I don’t know what triggered these emotions. I just felt like I was lost and alone. I think it has something to do with my calorie intake causing a chemical imbalance, which is making me feel depressed. It is Christmas time, I should not be sad!! Anyway, to make myself feel better I had some wine, ate that cookie (fail), and watched Love Actually. Needless to say, I didn’t make any progress overnight.

Friday-Monday should be interesting. Today I’m working then going to my family’s for the weekend for Christmas. I’ll be traveling and won’t be home until Monday. Being taken out of my environment and typical routine and thrown into the chaos of family holiday get-togethers is not going to be easy. I don’t want to be sad all weekend. I want to enjoy this time with my family and friends, especially since I don’t get to see many of them very often. I’m not sure what the game plan is going to be. I may just have a cal limit and eat whatever within that limit. Right after work I’m hitting the gym for one last workout before the long weekend. I need to stay focus and keep my eye on the goal.

Thursday, December 22, 2011


Morning weight: 120.4 (-1.4)

Yesterday was a good day. I stayed on track and was very strict with my eating. I basically ate what I posted yesterday and ended the day with a zero-cal soothing tea. The free lunch at work was tough but really not as hard as I thought it would be. I was mentally prepared so I just got a tiny bit of salad and that was it. Of course someone had to make a comment but I really don’t care. I’d rather have someone say something like “Oh that’s all you’re eating?!” than to eat foods that I don’t want to just to please someone. At the gym I also did everything I posted yesterday except I did 40mins on the elliptical instead of 30mins. Eating clean and working out feels so good. And waking up with the feeling of eagerness (to step of the scale, of course) rather than guilt is a nice change.

Today is our office potluck. There are cookies, cakes, pastries, cheeses, crackers, and real food like chili, meatballs, pulled pork, and salads. My plan is to stick with the salad and put cheese and a cookie on my plate to make it look like I’m eating more than I really am. I actually brought in gourmet cookies (240 calories each!). I left one at home – this way I can avoid them at the party because I *know* I have one at home waiting for me. But clearly, the plan is to not eat that cookie. It’s just to trick myself into thinking that I’m not actually depriving myself of the holiday treats. ANYWAY, things are going well and I’m motivated to do this. I have just over a week to look good for NYE. I’m going to go dress shopping on Monday (any recommendations for stores??). If I’m really strict today there’s a good chance I will break 120 tomorrow morning. THAT is what I’ll be thinking about during the potluck.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

doing it!

I woke up this morning in such a motivated mood. I'm on a mission to do this. I refuse to let myself stress out about my current status because there's really nothing I can do but move forward. Also, stress makes me want to binge on junk food and obvs I can't let that happen. Soo my eating plan for the day: protein shake (120), salad (150), tuna on lettuce (100), grilled chicken with veggies (200), protein shake (120). Workout plan: hit the weights hard (20-30mins), HIIT (20mins), elliptical (30mins). I may go longer on the cardio if I have enough energy. It's always tricky balancing my cal intake with my plans for a hardcore workout.

I haven't posted my stats in a while because I'm not thin enough and I'm just embarrassed to post it but I'm fully committed to keeping myself accountable on here so:

CW: 121.8
GW1: below 120 - Christmas Day

I don't know what my goal weight is for NYE. I don't know what's realistic... maybe 5lbs so 116.8-117? UGH I need to do this. I may post pics tonight so I can track my progress over the next 9 days or so. They're setting up our free lunch at work right now. I plan to just get a small side salad. Hopefully that's an option. I HATE HATE HATE how people around me get so excited about food. It's such a turnover for me when I see other people salivate in anticipation of food and then basically gorge themselves. Gross, no thank you I'll have a salad and with a side of abs please.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

countdown to NYE

I was going to make a post yesterday about how things were going relatively well considering it's the holiday season, but forget that. I am now FREAKING OUT because I just found out that NYE weekend with my friends is ON which means I have to buy a NYE dress pronto and I have to get skinny/thin/toned PRONTO. I just did some dress shopping at the mall and I look SO GROSS. I went to BEBE thinking I could fit into one of their itty-bitty party dresses.. who was I kidding?? I am bloated and fat. I don't know why I did this to myself, but really I haven't been working as hard as I should have been so now I'm paying for it.

I have 10 days to lose as much as I can while dealing with all the holiday parties and dinners that I have scheduled for this week. Tomorrow we're getting free lunch at work, then Thursday we have an office potluck party, then this weekend it is Christmas Eve & Christmas Day brunches, lunches, and dinners. I really, really need to get focused and stay on track because I REFUSE to look gross, flabby, and fat for NYE. Lord knows there's going to be massive picture taking and Facebook tagging so I will NEED to look good. There are no excuses. I just need to stop freaking out and make a plan and get going on it. Between now and next Friday I have 6 Gym Days. I'll have to hit the weights hard to tone up and sprint my little butt off (actually... big butt) on the treadmill. School is over so it really shouldn't be a problem getting to the gym now. Tomorrow I'm going to start taking some supplements too and will be eating ONLY: protein shakes, grilled chicken, tuna, egg whites, and veggies. I can get out of the work lunch tomorrow but the potluck is going to suck on Thursday. I'll just have to get a little bit of a few things and discretely get rid of it. I think this weekend's holiday family events are going to be the toughest though since we all eat together at one table. But whatever I'll just have to be strong and pick only low calorie, healthy foods. I can't focus on the negative right now. There's really no time for that. The goal is to focus all of that energy into getting Thin and Toned for NYE. I'll think I'll do daily posts to keep me accountable.

Thursday, December 15, 2011


I’ve been really good at following my plan this week. I’ve worked out 3 days in a row and will workout again today and tomorrow. I forgot how good running feels. I feel so alive in those moments when my blood is pumping and my lungs and heart are working hard with each step I take. It’s no joke when people say that exercising is addicting. Food wise I’ve been sticking to really clean and low calorie foods. I’ve been feeling lightheaded every now and that but I think that’s because I’m not getting enough water in so I need to do better with that. The scale has been going down each day and I feel lighter, less bloated, less jiggley, and more toned. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve been tempted to eat things that I know I shouldn’t. There’s a holiday basket at work filled with chocolates, cookies, cheeses, etc. and people have been picking at it each day. There’s also a woman in the office who is selling Girl Scout cookies on behalf of her daughter. Just seeing and hearing people eat those foods makes me crave them so badly. I almost gave in yesterday but was able to stay strong my holding my arm and imagining how GOOD I will feel once I’m toned and thin. It sounds silly and random but it worked for me.

I’ve been really productive this week too. I’ve done all my laundry, cleaned my whole apartment, and insulated my windows for the winter and it’s only Thursday morning. I’ve also been cramming for my last final exam, which I’ll take tomorrow. I’ll think I’ll be fine but the closer it gets the more stressed I get about the about of material I still need to cover. The stress makes me want to eat but distract myself I’ve been busting out in little solo dance parties while studying and drinking lots and lots of tea and chewing sugar-free gum. After my exam I plan to replace that tea with some booze because I definitely need it.

Monday, December 12, 2011

here we go

My plan for today/this week is to keep my calories really low and really clean and hit the gym every single day. I have a holiday party on Friday and I need to look good in my outfit because I don’t’ have a backup. It’s only 5 days so I really have no excuse to just Get It Done. After Friday I want to maintain that weight (or ideally keep going lower) because I’m just really tired of this yo-yoing inconsistency. Food wise I’m doing: no breakfast (0), salad with feta cheese (140), protein shake (120), tuna on lettuce leaves (100), baked or grilled fish (100), broccoli (30), protein shake (120). I’ll have unlimited coffee, tea, diet coke, and I also have cumbers if I get hungry late at night. I want to hit the gym hard every day this week. Today I’m going to do resistance training (weights) then 20-30mins of HIIT (sprint/walk workout). I’ll do this M-W-F and on Tu-Th I’ll do a longer HIIT session followed by elliptical work (total 60-90 min gym time). I NEED NEED NEED to work by abs every day too, or at least every other day.

Taking this one day at a time is key for me right now. There is so much going on in my life these days (I’m sure many of you can relate!) that I just need to break it all down so I don’t get overwhelmed. I haven’t started my Christmas shopping yet and that’s really stressing me out. But I have literally zero time to get any of that done this week, so I’ll just need to wait until this weekend. I don’t know what else is bothering me…. my weight obviously. Oh, and NYE plans. My friend wanted me to visit her that weekend so that we could go out and celebrate together (we did this last year) and I was down but I haven’t heard ANYTHING from her about it since. If I’m doing this I will need to book a bus ticket, buy a NYE dress, and figure out which (if any) days I need to take off from work. It’s annoying that she procrastinates about this stuff, but I don’t have time to figure out our plans right now so I’m thinking of not going this year and just going the next weekend to visit her. If I postpone the visit one weekend then I can relax and enjoy the holidays and save some $$$, BUT then I won’t have set plans for NYE. So I need to figure this out fast.

Saturday, December 10, 2011


I made some good progress this week - down 3.4lbs since Monday. I did really well Monday and Tuesday keeping my cals low and hitting the gym both days. Wednesday I had class and was able to keep my cals low but no gym. Thursday was my last day of class so I went to work, then class, then out to celebrate with my classmates. The celebration involved a few light beers and finger foods. I woke up Friday 0.5lbs heavier and was SO HUNGRY all day. I did pretty good at work and ate only a salad for lunch. Then I went to the gym to lift weights. After that, I was so so hungry and tired and cranky. I went to the store to buy dinner and I ended up buying some really bad foods, including a lean cuisine pizza (380), special k chips (360), and pretzel m&ms (360). So gross and such junk. At the time it obviously tasted so good and I enjoyed it, but afterwards I felt so guilty and upset. It's self-sabotage when I do that and eat like that. I used to be so good about staying in control and eating only. healthy.foods.

Today is a new day. From now until Christmas I'm going to track every single calorie that goes into my body. I'm also going to do more intense cardio training like sprints. I haven't done those in a while because my gym time has been limited due to school. But now that classes are over I have more time to commit to my workouts.

Sunday, December 4, 2011


I haven't been consistent with my post-thanksgiving detox. I started out great and lost a lot within the first few days, but I'm ashamed to report that that didn't last through the weekend. There's just so much going on this time of the year with the end of the semester, holiday gatherings, and work obligations. That's no excuse though. I was going to wait until the end of classes (which end this week) to resume my detox, but O really don't have the luxury of time to do that. So tomorrow I will continue on with my detox. O can't do anything about my classes and holiday events so my plan is to eat very little and very healthy when I'm alone so that I have some leeway when I'm out in public.

I feel so fat and bloated right now. I feel like I have no self-control and the stress of school, work, and the holidays is getting to me. I hate, hate, hate it. I just feel really heavy. I need to get over myself and just move forward. It's been really helpful really everyone's blogs. There's several of you that are doing the Christmas THIN challenge, which has been motivating to follow. I guess I'm doing that in my own my too.

This weekend has sort of sucked. I've been working on a final paper for class and being the perfectionist that I am, it takes me like half a day to write ONE paragraph. I swear, it took be about four hours to write the introduction because I couldn't move on to the next paragraph until I felt the intro was absolutely perfect. Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much and could just "bang out" a paper in an afternoon like a lot of my classmates. ////rants