friday

First -- I want to say THANK YOU for all of the encouraging and supportive comments you girls have been leaving. It means a lot to me and really helps me stay on track (:

The office potluck was not only hard, but was also really strange in the way it affected me. There was an overabundance of foods, drinks, and desserts. I did well all things considering and stuck to the low cal, healthy options. They had beer, wine, eggnog but I didn’t have any. At one point I started to feel really left out. I realized I wasn’t enjoying myself like others around me were. Everyone was eating and drinking and laughing and chatting and I was trying my best to join in on the fun but for some reason I just wasn’t feeling it. I felt self-conscious, alone, and kind of awkward. I can’t really explain it but it was a depressing feeling so I left the party early. I felt like I had two choices: (1) stay, continued to be tempted by treats and liquor, and possibly give in or (2) leave and do something more productive with my time like go to the gym. So I did the latter. I went to the gym and did 1 hour of the elliptical. I instantly felt better as I was working out, but then an hour later I was sad. Again, I can’t explain it. I don’t know what triggered these emotions. I just felt like I was lost and alone. I think it has something to do with my calorie intake causing a chemical imbalance, which is making me feel depressed. It is Christmas time, I should not be sad!! Anyway, to make myself feel better I had some wine, ate that cookie (fail), and watched Love Actually. Needless to say, I didn’t make any progress overnight.

Friday-Monday should be interesting. Today I’m working then going to my family’s for the weekend for Christmas. I’ll be traveling and won’t be home until Monday. Being taken out of my environment and typical routine and thrown into the chaos of family holiday get-togethers is not going to be easy. I don’t want to be sad all weekend. I want to enjoy this time with my family and friends, especially since I don’t get to see many of them very often. I’m not sure what the game plan is going to be. I may just have a cal limit and eat whatever within that limit. Right after work I’m hitting the gym for one last workout before the long weekend. I need to stay focus and keep my eye on the goal.