30 day shred

My friend lent me Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred and I've been doing it consistently since Sunday. I haven't taken measurements, but my weight is down and I'm looking much leaner (I've been taking progress photos). I've made a personal commitment/personal challenge to stick with the program for all 30 days. It's only 20 minutes each day so I really have NO excuse not to do it every signal day. Even on my work + school days I've been doing it at 10pm after I get home and before I eat/shower/bed. I like the program for the most part. It consists of three circuits of 3 mins of strength training, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute of abs. There's a lot of pushups, dumbbell curls, squats, lunges, chest flies, so I dropped my weight lifting stuff at the gym and I'm just doing cardio, cardio, cardio at the gym.

The program has been a good motivator to help me eat clean and healthy. I don't want to put all that work in only to ruin it with a poor diet of junk food. Yesterday was sort of a cheat day. I had a couple of glasses of wine (it was Friday!) and a few Pop Chips. My calories were still low and the rest of my meals were very healthy.

I'm dying to get my abs back before summer. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, want a toned and fit and slim and thin bikini body for this summer. Like, REALLY BAD. And I know if I put the hard work in NOW I can achieve it by the time the warm weather gets here. It's just very, very hard. Very hard. But I'm going to take it one day at a time, one month/30 days at a time.

weekend

Up early on a Saturday morning to get my gym workout in. I'm doing chest, back, abs and lots of hard cardio so I can burn the layer of fat that's covering my muscles. I made a killer playlist to keep me motivated throughout the gym session. I want this more than anything and I know I can get there if I just my eye on the prize. This past week the weather was gorgeous and very summer-like, which has given me that little extra push to do what I need to do to get ready for summer.

The workout part is easy. The eating is where I struggle. Sometimes after a stressful week from work all I want to do is sit on the couch and veg out with some wine and snacks. Yummy, high calorie, empty calorie snacks. I need to break that habit big time because eating those kinds of foods undoes all that hard work I put in the gym. Ugh. I just don't know how. It's easy to talk myself into eating something my saying that "I'll just do some extra cardio tomorrow." I need to work on that...

I hope all you girls are doing well. I plan to catch up on everyone's blogs this afternoon.

EDIT: I just got back from the gym and had an intense workout. I'm still far from my goal, but each gym session brings me one step closer. I've decided that I want to try my best to keep myself positive. I believe that positive thoughts translates into positive actions. I'm sick and tired of thinking negatively about myself and bringing myself down day after day. This is a new year for me and I plan to build myself back up.. because no one else is going to do that for me.

new plan

This past week has been very busy with work, school, celebrating my birthday, and then getting sick afterwards. You know you're getting old when you immediately get sick after partying for 3 days in a row. Gah! I came down with a fever, body aches, chills, etc. I spent Monday and Tuesday in bed and finally went back to work today. I also went to the gym today for the first day in almost a week. I'm feeling good and motivated and have come up with a new plan to get ready for summer. I want to be fit and toned and comfortable in my own skin so I've come up with a weight training and cardio plan.

Monday and Tuesday I have class, which means no time for the gym. So Tuesday and Saturday I'm going to do chest, back, abs, cardio and Wednesday and Sunday I'm going to do shoulders, biceps, triceps, cardio. Friday will be my wild card day. If I'm in the mood then I'll do cardio, but if I have other plans or I'm not in the mood then I'll use it as a rest day or maybe do some other form of "fun" cardio.

Diet wise I'd like to focus on a weekly deficit so that I can roll over unused calories to the weekend, which is when I usually go out and eat and drink booze. I'd like to try and eat 3,500 calories below my BMR on the weekly basis, which equals one pound of fat loss per week. As for specific foods, I want to nourish my body with clean, healthy foods like lean protein, veggies, fruits, and low-fat dairy. I will try very, very hard to limit empty calorie foods to only once a week on the weekends. If I take this all day by day I KNOW I can make a habit to the point where I won't even have to think about it and it will just become second nature. I KNOW I can do this because I've done it before. It feels great. I just need to keep reminding myself.

on track

I've been having a good week. I've realized that if I just focus on one day at a time and one step at a time then I can handle it all. Otherwise, I just get too overwhelmed. I saw this quote in a weight loss article the other day and it really struck a chord with me: "Forget about yesterday. Don't worry about tomorrow. Just focus on what you need to do today." It's so simplified, but it's so true. The little things will add up and if I just stay consistent and on track, I will eventually reach my goal.

My eating has been so clean this week and the biggest reason why is because my cabinets are bare to the bone. I typically like to buy 2-weeks worth of groceries every other weekend so that I save time and money. That first week I end up eating more than I should due to the amount and array of food in my apartment. But by the second week only the essentials are left (salads, fruits, chicken, tea) so I'm left with nothing to tempt me. What I REALLY should do is just buy the basics once a week. But I've tried doing that in the past and it's way more expensive for me.

Workouts have been good. Both Monday and Tuesday I had hard cardio sessions plus weights on Monday. I'm going to do weights again today with a quick, intense cardio session. Then more cardio on Thursday and Friday before this weekend. I'm celebrating my birthday this weekend and I'm actually really excited because so many people said they want to come out to party with me. I have a huge fear of rejection and often don't feel like I have many friends, so it's been really nice to hear that people want to celebrate with me that night.

back at it

I'm back on the saddle and I'm ready to get going again. I took my last midterm last night, which means I can relax and de-stress for a bit. I really appreciate all the comments you girls have been leaving me. I really do. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in all of this, and that at times we go through periods where we're not 100% perfect but that doesn't manes it's the end of the world.

Yesterday was a very good day. I had work and school so I didn't work out, but I also had zero appetite so I barely ate. The scale was kind to me this morning and went back down. Today my plan is to go running and do some body weight/ab workouts after work, and then run errands and clean my apartment. I also want to go bed early tonight because I feel like I'm running on empty right now.

Spring is in the air and it's motivating me to get serious. I want to tone up and get thin. No. I NEED to tone up and get thin. Otherwise, I'll have a miserable spring and summer and will barely go out. (That's happened before). I'm wearing a very fitted dress today. The last time I wore this my stomach was as flat as a board. Today I'm bloated. I wonder if people notice. I'm so self-consumed with my own body that I hardly notice the changes in other people's bodies. But I wonder if they notice the changes in mine? I wonder what I look like in the eyes of others. I don't know.

the struggle never ends

Just when you think everything is going well, you hit a wall. I didn't have the best weekend. It was filled with stress and school work, little sleep and bad eating. I woke up this morning feeling discouraged as I looked in the mirror and studied by body. I've lost muscle tone and I've gained flab. I can see it. There's no more denying it. I haven't been working hard enough to reach my goals and it shows. I've been having a pity party all morning, but the truth is I just need to get my shit together. If I want a thin and toned body I need to Work For It. It's not going to be handed to me, and I just can't allow myself to take shortcuts because then I'll never reach my goal.

I think once this week is over and midterms are over I'll be able to think more clearly about what I need to do to get there. I really think I need to start running more regularly. I'll go to the gym and do the elliptical or 10-15 mins of sprinting/walking on the treadmill but I don't think that cuts it. Or maybe it's the weekend overeating that's really holding me back. I told myself I was going to keep things rolling since I was doing so well last week, but with stress + school + work I just couldn't handle it all and found myself eating my feelings this weekend. I didn't go super overboard, but I did sneak in pretzels, Easter candy (why is that even out right now?!), and a cookie or two. I feel ashamed and upset because I feel like I'm letting you (and myself) down.

I think I really need to just take a deep breath, relax, and keep on trucking along.

great week

This is one of the best weeks I've had in a long time. I've been able to stay on track with absolutely ZERO slip ups. The scale showed a -5 lb loss for the week (hi, water weight) which is great but I'm feeling and looking a lot more leaner and lighter, which is even more motivating. I've changed up my gym workout to focus on bodyweight exercises like jumping jacks, lunges, planks, etc. and high intensity interval training cardio. I've feeling way more energized. Food wise, I've been keeping things simple and basically eating the same five foods every day. I'm in the middle of school midterms (which has been a big help in keeping me busy) so I haven't had time to food shop. I prefer to have fewer food options in my kitchen. Food makes me nervous and going grocery shopping creates anxiety for me because I don't trust myself. Sometimes I *think* I can buy a bag of pistachios like a normal person but then I end up binging and eating the whole thing within a day or two. These binge eating tendencies scare me. I've recently developed them and I'm not sure how. And I'm not sure how to stop it. So instead, I'm just going to stick with my safe foods until I can overcome that problem.

The weekend is finally here but I have a million and one things to do for school so I won't have much time for anything else. I've already planned out my gym times though. Making time to work out while I'm in study mode is very helpful in relieving stress.

I'm sorry I haven't been commenting much lately. I hope you girls are all doing well. Thanks so much for encouraging me to stay on track when I was having a difficult time.