Friday, May 31, 2013

day 4: feeling better

I'm down 1.6 lbs from yesterday, making it a total weight loss of 6.2 lbs since Tuesday morning. I'm pretty proud of myself for making it through the day yesterday in spite of all the obstacles. It felt good to be able to step on the scale this morning knowing that I consumed nothing but juice and water the day before. I'm still going strong today but I plan to end my juice fast tonight. I'm thinking baked or grilled fish with a nice big salad. We'll see. It's Friday and I'm dreading going home after work. I keep thinking about what I want to do after work. Typically, I go to the grocery/convenience store on my way home and stock up on snack foods. I never realized how much eating was such a hobby for me. Gross. I'm not doing that today. I was thinking of either going shopping or just going to the gym. It's so hot out there though. I'm really not sure I want to be walking around right now. BUT I'm also so lazy so I don't really want to hit the gym either. We'll see what I end up doing. Either way, I'm not doing the whole Friday night junk food freenzy thing!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

day 3: i feel like poop

I'm down 5 lbs since Tuesday morning, but I still feel like shit. I get into these sad/depressed moods sometimes. They especially come about when I'm dieting or not eating enough (especially carbs). I just get sad and depressed and moody and tired. I can't stand to be around anyone and everything hurts - my body, my mind, and my soul. I just ache. That's the best way I can explain it. I don't know. I just get sad. I hate being rejected, ignored, or unappreciated and I feel like that's been happening. I also feel "different" because I can't or won't partake in normal activities like everyone else. For instance, we had an ice cream/frozen yogurt party at work today and everyone was making their own ice creams and talking and laughing but I didn't join in. I wanted to stay strong with my juice fast. I haven't told anyone I'm doing it though so people kept asking me to join in on the ice cream and I just kept saying "oh in a bit" which really meant "no thank you." I just felt left out even though I chose to be. Then last night I left a friendly note on my upstairs neighbors' door informing them that the apartment floors are very thin and the noise travels downwards so if they could just keep that in mind when walking around, etc I would really, really appreciate it. Well this morning I woke up and the girl was still stomping around like an elephant. I seriously cannot handle the stomping. It drives me crazy and keeps me up most nights. I just felt ignored and disrespected when I heard her this morning. I wish I was strong enough to go up there and confront her face to face. I'm sure she's not intending to stomp, but at the same time I'm terrified of having a real in person conversation about that. I hate myself for that. I think the lack of carbs messes with my chemical balance. I get so sensitive and sad and depressed. I want to finish this out though. I really wanted to juice through Friday but i will take it one day at a time. I'll get through tonight then see how I feel tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

days 1 & 2

So far, so good. I've done two full days of juicing so far. It's so much easier (both physically mentally) to do this during the week as opposed to the weekend! I'm so distracted my work and school that I don't even have time to think about food or juice or any of it. The thing about juicing is that (at least for me) it completely eliminates my appetite. I'm not sure if I'm just distracted or if the juice fills me up with enough nutrients so that my body is happy, but whatever it is its working to diminish my hunger. I still consume juice during my usually breakfast, lunch, and dinner times plus one after dinner as a snack so it does feel like I'm constantly consuming my juice, which helps. I've also been really good about sticking to my 30DS schedule. I finished day 2 of level 2 today. Holy shit, I forgot how how tough level 2 is! I've been getting all the way through the workout but it definitely has been kicking my ass! I'm excited to get tone and fit again. I still need to hit the gym for cardio and HIIT so I can get rid of this belly flab.

Monday, May 27, 2013


I plan to start a juice fast tomorrow. My goal is 3 days, but I might extend it to Friday if I can. I've only done 3-day weekend juice fasts, so this work-week juice fast will be a new experience for me. Hopefully, I can get through the workday on just juice. I really need this because I was pretty bad this past weekend. It was Memorial Day weekend and my sister was in town, which meant I basically allowed myself to eat what I wanted, when I wanted. We did a lot of eating on the go and eating out at restaurants. I didn't keep track of my calories and I haven't weighed myself since Friday, so who knows where I stand right now. I plan to weigh in tomorrow morning. I'm so nervous for that. I've still being doing the 30DS. I didn't do it today or yesterday, but I managed to do it every day before that. I can already feel myself getting strong and the workouts are getting easier by the day. Tomorrow I will begin Level 2. It's a huge step up from Level 1, but I'm ready for it. Before I do 30DS I'm going to go to the gym and do 30 minutes of cardio. I don't want to overextend myself because I'll be juice fasting. But I think ~60 minutes of working out should be fine.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

"before" pictures

This is really hard to do. I'm not happy with my body and every day I'm consumed by this thought. However, I want to post pictures to hold myself accountable. I may remove them later today or tomorrow but for now I will post them here. Theses are my 30 Day Shred "before" photos. You may not be able to see my trouble spots that clearly, but because I am my biggest critic I can see them easily. My goal: eliminate my lower belly pooch/get a flat stomach, lose the batwing flab, get rid of the armpit fat, tone and slim my thighs. Hopefully, I can achieve this by the end of the 30 days (or st least make significant progress toward these goals).  photo 784678F5-0FD1-45AB-989F-B9AFE83327EC-16803-000007B63E211E3F_zps1cc53992.jpg Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos

Saturday, May 18, 2013

juice fast & 30DS

Today was good. I woke up and immediately did the 30 day shred. It was tough, but I got through it. I like the structure of the 30 day shred and the idea that there's an end to it all (after 30 days). I'm going to try my best to do it every single day for the next 30 days, even if that means waking up early or doing it at 10-11pm at night before I go to bed.

I also started a juice fast today. It was a spontaneous decision that I made last night, but I've been able to stick to it all day. I really, really want to eat something right now but I know I shouldn't. I know I should stay strong and finish this juice fast like I had planned to do. It's hard though. I'm not going out tonight and I keep thinking to myself that I should allow myself to eat something small since I'm not going out and consuming alcohol calories. lkfajsdlfkajs

Anyway, after I did the 30 day shred I went to my haircut appointment. Then I walked around the city for a while and came out and cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. I literally spent 4.5 hours cleaning every single corner of my apartment, dusting, vacuuming, re-organizing my closet. It was a lot of work, but it needed to be done and now I'm happy that everything is super clean! I'm sure all that housecleaning also burned a ton of calories, which is always a plus.

Friday, May 17, 2013

day 2 & 3

So things have gone downhill since Day 1. It's really, really difficult for me to resume a challenge once I've taken a break. After my event Thursday night, I came home and ate two luna bars because I was still hungry. Then today I had a large salad with extra toppings (croutons, dried cranberries, etc.) at lunch and the went out with a friend for dinner and drinks. So basically, I've already failed. Tomorrow I plant o start a juice fast. I may or may not go out tomorrow night, at which point I will be breaking my juice fast with alcohol so I might nee to eat some food to make sure I don't get sick. IDK. It's so, so hard to restrict and be social at the same time. I've said this before and I'll say it again: the only way for me to successful restrict and lose is to be a hermit and not go out with my friends. So it seems that I can either choose to be lonely, miserable, isolated and skinny OR social, happy, and fat. Ugh.

Goals: do the 30 day shred again to get tone. Run 3 miles at least 4 days per week. Lose 10 lbs asap.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

day 1

Today has been a good day, but Day 1's are usually the best days. I stayed within my calorie range and had a protein shake (b), all veggie salad (l), tuna on lettuce (s), grilled chicken with broccoli, cauliflower, carrots (d), and a few pistachio nuts (s). After work I went to the gym and did 3 miles of HIIT on the treadmill, 25 minutes of weights, and then another 30 minutes on the elliptical. I had a ton of energy that helped me power through the workout, but I was definitely exhausted by the end of it all. I can't wait to see what the scale says tomorrow. I'm hoping to drop some water weight to help motivate me.

I'm excited to do this. I'm excited for summer. And I'm excited to get my bikini body back. Tomorrow is my fundraiser/dinner event. I think the plan will be to eat most of the foods I ate today, but take out the snacks.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

10 day challenge

I plan to embark on a personal 10-day challenge starting tomorrow. I will restrict to 700-900 calories per day of high protein, low carb, low fat foods and I workout at least 7 of those days. I have a dinner/party event on Thursday so I will substitute some food calories for alcohol calories and may even adjust my calorie limit upward. We'll see. I'm doing this because summer is right around the corner and I'm still fat. Still not bikini ready. And I need to structure an discipline of this plan. It's hard, difficult, and grueling as shit but it gets me results. So I will need to suck it up and just do it for the next 10 days. Next Friday my sister is flying into town for the long weekend and we're going to be shopping all weekend so I want to be/feel skinny.

The juice fast I did last month went really well. I lost 7lbs or something ridiculous over the 3 days. It was great and I felt fantastic (light and full of energy). But, of course, since then my eating has let up and I've gained the weight back. I went on vacation to Florida last week and ate ice cream, pizza, dinner rolls, etc. I really can't control myself anymore. It's either all or nothing. Just a few years ago I was so, so disciplined and would eat so clean. I had a flat stomach, toned arms, toned thighs, etc. Now I look so pudgy and untoned.

I tried to get into the Tracy Anderson DVDs (again). I'm sure I would get awesome results if I did them consistently - especially in my arms - but the working out at home with DVDs bores me to death. I have no motivation to workout in my apartment. I NEED to get out of apartment and go to the gym or even just outside when I workout. It's all mental.

This 10-day challenge is going to be all mental too, which is why I plan to make daily posts in here to hold me accountable. If I don't post please call me out on it!!