Thursday, May 30, 2013
day 3: i feel like poop
I'm down 5 lbs since Tuesday morning, but I still feel like shit. I get into these sad/depressed moods sometimes. They especially come about when I'm dieting or not eating enough (especially carbs). I just get sad and depressed and moody and tired. I can't stand to be around anyone and everything hurts - my body, my mind, and my soul. I just ache. That's the best way I can explain it. I don't know. I just get sad. I hate being rejected, ignored, or unappreciated and I feel like that's been happening. I also feel "different" because I can't or won't partake in normal activities like everyone else. For instance, we had an ice cream/frozen yogurt party at work today and everyone was making their own ice creams and talking and laughing but I didn't join in. I wanted to stay strong with my juice fast. I haven't told anyone I'm doing it though so people kept asking me to join in on the ice cream and I just kept saying "oh in a bit" which really meant "no thank you." I just felt left out even though I chose to be. Then last night I left a friendly note on my upstairs neighbors' door informing them that the apartment floors are very thin and the noise travels downwards so if they could just keep that in mind when walking around, etc I would really, really appreciate it. Well this morning I woke up and the girl was still stomping around like an elephant. I seriously cannot handle the stomping. It drives me crazy and keeps me up most nights. I just felt ignored and disrespected when I heard her this morning. I wish I was strong enough to go up there and confront her face to face. I'm sure she's not intending to stomp, but at the same time I'm terrified of having a real in person conversation about that. I hate myself for that. I think the lack of carbs messes with my chemical balance. I get so sensitive and sad and depressed. I want to finish this out though. I really wanted to juice through Friday but i will take it one day at a time. I'll get through tonight then see how I feel tomorrow.