pause and restart

I need to get a hold of this before things get out of hand. It’s almost July for crying out load and I feel like I’ve made ZERO progress this month. I’m still above 120 lbs. Yesterday I weighed in at 122.4 lbs after a weekend filled with drinking, pizza, chicken parm, candy, and God knows what else. I don’t know why I do that. I don’t know why I have no self control. No discipline. Well, that’s actually incorrect. I have self control and discipline Monday through Thursday, but come Friday my willpower is shot and peer pressure comes in and I *think* I can get away with one drink or one slice of pizza or that I deserve a “break” or whatever. I can’t do this anymore. I need to stick to my plan. I need to stay focused.

I was taking an appetite suppressant for most of May and the beginning of June, but then I ran out and switched to another supplement brand. It’s definitely not as strong as the first because my appetite is out of control. It’s like a little monster that was asleep for weeks but has now awoken. It’s mad and angry and loud and very hard to ignore. I’ve tried to be really good and stick to my meal plan, but… I don’t know. I’m tired and overwhelmed with different events coming up so I’ve been eating more than I’d like and my gym workouts haven’t been the best. I need to refocus and reset my goals and rework my plan so I can fucking lose these pounds already. It makes me so angry that I put myself through this misery yet I make no progress. UGH.

So, the next 3 days I need to go HAM at the gym and stick to <800 calories. Then this weekend I’m out of town visiting friends, which mean I’ll be eating and drinking and not sleep much. Then next Monday through Friday I can go HAM (ha) again at the gym and stick to my meal plan before the July 4^th weekend when I’ll inevitably be out in public in a bathing suit.