gym & scales

It's taking me some time to get back on track. I haven't been to the gym in days due to my chaotic work/school schedule. I don't know what my deal is but I need to get my act together ASAP. It's just completely unacceptable. Things (exams, group projects, happy hour, bad weather) have been popping up and I've been using it as an excuse in a way to skip the gym. It's Friday today and I wanted to go to the gym after work but I'm completely wiped out and I have to shower and meet my friend for dinner. So if I went I'd basically get ZERO time to just chill before dinner. I probably should have gone anyway since I haven't been in so long, but I played the scale game: "If I'm over XXXlbs then I'll workout, if I'm under XXXlbs then I'll hang out." And it turns out I was -3lbs below that number. Which brings me to...

WTF SCALE?! I mean, I know I always give you shit. If you give me too high of a number I get upset and can't concentrate on anything for the rest of the day except losing weight. And if you give me a lower than expected number I get mad at you because I feel like you're giving me a false sense of security, which messes with my head and makes me think I can eat like a normal person when really I can't.

It's been really confusing, this scale nonsense. I've been hoovering around this weight... losing a bit some days, gaining a bit others.. but staying relatively range bound. The interesting part is that I'm not even on my A game right now. I'm not going to the gym as much as I used to (I was going practically every day before I started school!) and I've been eating way more "junk food" then I was a year ago. But a year ago, my weight would REALLY fluctuate. I was also on one extreme or the other. Restricting/over-exercising and then gorging myself. These days I'm just way too busy. I don't workout, but I also don't gorge myself. I restrict moderately, which I guess has been good for me.

I have a long three-day weekend and I plan to set some hard goals for myself. I need to figure out a really good gym schedule. I'll be honest, I haven't been to the gym ONCE in the month of October. I get charged on the 1st of every month for my membership, so the fact that I haven't used it yet makes me really stressed out (I get stressed out over money easily).