struggling

Thing haven't been that good lately. I've been really struggling this weekend. My weight hasn't fluctuated (which is good), but my mood has. A lot. One moment I'm up and the next I'm down. It's been bad. I've been obsessively reading old journals as well as other peoples' blogs and I've become really overwhelmed. I just feel stuck. I really, really, really, really want to be skinny and I want it NOW. I worked really hard this past week but don't have much to show for it. I know that I can't expect to lose 5lbs or 10lbs or whatever overnight, but it's hard to stay motivated when I'm not making any progress.

My intentions are good. I have the right mindset and my goals are all laid out. I eat right and workout hard, but when I don't see any progress I feel defeated and start to eat things that I shouldn't be eating liiiiike lean cuisine pizza or pretzel m&m's or bbq popchips. These aren't horrible foods, but they aren't the clean and healthy foods that I want to be eating right now. Why can't I control myself? Where has all my disciple gone? My willpower? Ugh, it's just so disheartening. I keep going in circles. I don't think this is the right plan for me. Restricting Monday-Thursday and then going off plan Friday-Sunday has been getting me nowhere. Granted, it's only been about a week since I've starting this. But, I've done this numerous times before and I'm still at the same weight that I was a year ago. I just want to be skinny. I want to have the body I had when I was 17. Is that so bad? I walked into Forever 21 yesterday and saw girls 5-10 years younger than me and I was so envious of their thin thighs and arms.

I don't know what my plan will be from here on out. I just don't know..