scale games

Down -3.2lbs this morning from Monday’s weigh-in. It’s crazy sometimes how much water/glycogen weight I shed at the beginning of each week. I was feeling pretty lean last night and this morning, which is a nice feeling. I did OK yesterday in regards to my plan. I kept my calories under 700, as planned, but instead of going straight home and to the gym I decided to go shopping for work clothes. I got in some extra walking (and bought a new sweater top), but by the time I got home it was prime-time/post-work rush hour at the gym and I didn’t feel like dealing with that. I still had an urge to workout though so I put on my running shoes and went for a 2 mile run outside. I am so sore today!!! I think 20 mins of running outside on the pavement is equivalent to about 40 mins of elliptical work at the gym for me. I wish I could have run longer but I was low on energy and semi-dehydrated (I didn’t drink water all day, only coffee and tea… whoops!). Today I plan to keep my calories around 700 again and make it to the gym for cardio and weights. I have class on Wednesday and Thursday (no gym days) so I need to go today.

Lately, I feel like I’ve just been barely staying above water. I was thrown into the deep end when classes started two weeks ago, and since then I’ve just been treading water and trying to stay afloat. I’ve been pretty good with my school work, trying to stay on top of all my studies and assignments. Since each class only meets once a week for 3 hours we are assigned a lot of work and reading to complete on our own. Last night I spent about 4-5 hours reading one case and taking notes. It’s a lot of work and staying on top of it all is exhausting, but I signed up for this so I can’t really complain. The downside is that I haven’t seen certain friends in weeks and spoken to certain out-of-town friends in months! I’m still adjusting to my new schedule, but I know I need to make a bigger effort now to stay in touch with friends. Sometimes it’s just really hard to balance work + school + working out + friends + family + boys. I basically don’t go out during the week anymore. That time is spent on working out, studying, and going to class. Weekends are also devoting to studying, but I also try to catch up on sleep and go out with friends and boys AND visit my family. I can’t do everything though, so I need to find a balance. Balance: it’s basically what I’m always working on. I tend to do things in extremes (starve/overeat, go out get drunk/become antisocial and hibernate, annoyingly text boys/barley text even though I’m interested).

I feel like I’ve been becoming more in-tuned with my body. Before I step on the scale I make a guess and 8/10 times I’m spot on (not down to the decimal, but I usually get the XXX.XX part right). I then play games with myself and say things like “OK if I’m above XXXlbs then I can’t eat that, but if I’m below then I can” or “If I weigh more than XXXlbs then I have to run, but if I’m below I can skip my workout” even though I already have a pretty good idea of which side I’m on. I did that yesterday with the run. Why? I don’t know. But, I told myself I could skip the run if I was below a certain weight and (even though I was feeling light and lean and kind of *knew* I’d be below) I went along with the game and stepped on the scale and, lo and behold, I was below. I still went on the run though. Grrr. Does anyone else go through this? Try to self-sabotage your efforts?