weekend, finally

I AM EXHAUSTED. I literally laid in bed for 1.5 hours last night before I finally fell asleep. This meant I only got about 5 hours of sleep last night. On average, I think I got about 5-6 hours of sleep per night. All I can say is Thank God It’s Friday! I have a lot of things to do for school and several commitments with friends and family lined up for the weekend, but I’m hoping to catch up on some sleep too. This morning I woke up in the 118’s. I haven’t seen this number in a long time! My stomach is looking better and my jeans are feeling looser, which is such a great feeling. I took some pictures on my iphone this morning but I’m not sure if I want to post them here or not. I *feel* smaller and the scale says I’m smaller, but I don’t *look* smaller in the pictures. At least I don’t think so.

This weekend (as always) is going to be a major challenge for me. I seem to always have trouble staying on track during the weekends. My schedule is really booked up Friday-Sunday though so I’m hoping that will help. I’ve noticed that now that I’ve started evening business school the work + school combo leaves me very little time to eat or even think about food. My dinner on school nights has become a Luna bar during our 15 minute break and then usually when I get home I’ll have a bag of 100-cal popcorn or a 100-cal soup. When I actually have downtime to think about things I get really anxious and upset about what I’m doing to my body. I eat 600-800 calories per day (which isn’t that bad), I am sleep deprived, I use (abuse?) appetite suppressants (including a lot of caffeine), I don’t get all the nutrients I need to be getting, etc. I want to wean myself off of the suppressants but I know the suppressants are what have been getting me through my new work/school schedule. If I didn’t take them I would be so tired that I don’t think I would be able to function. I’ll have to figure something out though because I can’t do this forever. I’m thinking of only taking them on school days, instead of every work day. I don’t take them on the weekends, which may be related to my weekend overeating. But, then again, maybe not. Maybe it’s all in my head.

N texted me last night. He may have to go out of town this weekend, but if not we’re going to meet for drinks tonight. I really hope it doesn’t fall through this time because I really want to see him. I’m so tired but I know I’ll get re-energized if we go out tonight. Ohhhh, priorities.

Goals/Things to remember:
- skip suppressants one day next week (maybe Monday)
- pack vitamins with lunch
- start doing ab workouts 3x per week
- run more instead of using the elliptical