ME thursday

Today was okay. The scale went down again this morning but i didn't hit my gw1 of 119 even. I was very close though, which is encouraging. I spent most of the day running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to make sure i was perfect for my "big event." I worked on my tan, exercised, cleaned, went shopping for a new top, then got ready. I settled on a dress with brown sandal wedges. I felt pretty good about myself. I felt like I was put together and looked "cute." The event was okay. I went with my friend A and we didn't really know anyone else, which was fine. There was one guy I saw who I sort of know through friends of friends. I have the biggest crush on him because I think he's really cute, but of course we've never actually had a conversation before. And OF COURSE I sent him a drunk facebook friend request on my way home tonight. FML. This is why I have awful luck with guys and why I am still single. My friend A is at least 10lbs heavier than me yet she seems to attract the guys. Is thinner really the winner? If so, then why do I always feel like such a loser when A and I go out? Granted, she's very aggressive when it comes to guys. But still. I just don't get it...

Sometimes I just hate myself and the way I operate. I can't "settle" when it comes to guys. I can't just date to date. I always find something wrong with the guy. I always want the one that I can't have (for whatever reason that may be). I wish I was more adventurous. I wish I was more outgoing. That I took more risks. That I was more fun. That I was more talkative and engaging. And that I was good enough to date. I facebook requested/friended my "crush" (who I've never actually spoken to before, but have seen on occasion) at 12:20pm... I bet my bottom dollar that he doesn't accept. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I wish you could take back a friend request... FMLLLL.