thursday

I’ve been noticing a trend. I start out my work week strong and focused but by the end I’m spent. I’m absolutely spent. And I’m sad. I get depressed and extremely fatigued. I lose motivated and I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to restrict, I want to skip my gym workouts, I want to bail on happy hour with my girlfriends, and I just want to go home and curl up in front of the tv with 100-calorie popcorn and diet coke. Today I feel horrible – absolutely horrible. I’m tired even though I slept 8.5 hours last night and I’m depressed. Even last night I was sad and depressed. I can’t focus on anything but the shitty parts of my life. I’m trying to snap myself out of it today all and pump myself up to go running after work. I just really need to readjust this plan because it just isn’t working for me.

I skipped breakfast and lunch on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. My work friend is on vacation this week so it was easy to get away with not eating lunch at the office. I felt good and empowered and energized during those days. I did a double workout on Monday and worked out yesterday as well. I’m down 3lbs since Sunday so that’s good. I’m not sure what’s going to happen tomorrow though because it’s only 1:30pm and I’ve already eaten lunch (200c of salad topped with tuna) and a pack of those stupid snackwell cookies (210c). I’m just feeling so out of it today so I told myself that the sugar will wake me up so I can run later today.

I want a flat, hard stomach more than anything. I used to have great abs back when I was playing sports – effortlessly great abs. But now they are shit. You can’t see them because I have a layer of fat covering them. I guess the good news/glass half full side of it is that I know what to do to get back there. I just need to consistently burn more calories than I eat and do sprint workouts, because that’s what worked really well for me before. Sigh.