sister's visit & control issues

Where do I start? It seems like every time I open blogger I have a million and one thoughts swirling around my head and all of them are trying to get out onto the screen at once. Actually, even when I’m not blogging this seems to be the case. There’s just been so much on my mind lately between life, work, life, love, upcoming school, and life.

My sister got held up yesterday so she didn’t get to my apartment until after dinner time. I was able to make it to the gym and get in a workout (60 mins arc trainer, 5 mins abs, 1 mile walk/jog on treadmill). After that I grilled some yummy chicken and had a side of steamed corn (170c) while I waited for her. We ended up watching tv and talking and munching on hummus/carrots. I was under 650 cals for the day, which was good. These days I’m aiming for 700-900 cals. I’m not sure why. I was looking at some old food/exercise diaries and was in great shape three years ago when I ate 800-1000 calories and worked out 5-6 times per week. So I guess I’m trying to follow that plan. I went to bed feeling “empty” and was very aware of the feeling. It was really nice. The great thing about having my sister in town is that I don’t snack a lot. She’s my food police! I don’t like eating/snacking in front of other people because I feel like a pig, even in its low in cals. So I just had hummus/carrots and called it a night. I can snack all day and night when no one is around to watch/police my eating. This is why I think it would be nice to have a roommate sometimes. Just so I would have someone to use as a food police (and maybe also a social planner!). Right after I finished college I lived with my parents for a year to look for a job and save up some money. This is when my eating issues really got going. I felt like I was in high school again relying on my parents for rides (I didn’t have a car) and eating dinner with them every night. I lived an hour away from the city/my friends so I barely went out during that time. One of the only things I felt I had control over was myself, my body, and my food intake. So I started restricting and exercising a lot. Now that I live alone I have more control over other aspects of my life but I still feel the need to control my body and to get thin and to maintain that thinness. There’s just a whole new wretch that’s been thrown into the mix because it’s just a little to easy to eat an extra snack or two or skip a workout when no one is around to see.

Anyway, I was able to weigh myself this morning while my sister was in the shower. I’m down -1lb from yesterday. Tonight we having Asian cuisine (the restaurant serves both Chinese and Japanese food). I’m thinking of ordering a veggie or avocado maki roll with edamame. I know my sister is going to want to order noodles or rice or something of the like (and I’ll probably be tempted), but I need to say no and stick to my guns.