The scale continues to creep downward. I’m still hovering just slightly above my gw1, but I think if I have a really good day today and tomorrow I could hit it within the next couple of days. Once again, I was surprised to see the loss this morning. I did make it to the gym yesterday (60 mins of cracked-out elliptical and 5 mins of abs) and had a fairly low-cal chicken and veggie stir-fry homemade dinner (180 cals). That was the good part. The not so good part was that I had a 1.5 glasses of wine later on and one too many snacks. They were mostly “healthy” (carrots with hummus, sugar-free fudgesicles, grapes), but in total it was probably around an extra 300 of unplanned calories. It’s quite frustrating because in the moment I have one side of me (the angel?) that knows I shouldn’t and don’t want to be eating these snacks, but then the other side of me (the devil!) says who cares, live a little, try and be normal, you’re hungry, you’re bored, you’re lonely, eat. Blah. I ended the day just slightly over 1000 cals. Hopefully I can be a bit stronger today and (more importantly!) this weekend (which is the hardest part of the week for me).
The boy I drunkenly Facebook friend requested last week accepted the request haha. He didn’t say anything and I’m not planning to say anything either. It is really embarrassing for me. I hate when I do shit like that. I also hate that I’m still alone and single. I wish someone would sweep me off my feet already. I just want to have someone... someone to spend my time with, to confine in, to come home to after a long day at work, to cuddle with and watch movies, to have lazy Sundays with. Ugh why is this my life?! Last night I had a dream that I got engaged to a boy I dated 3 years ago. I was so happy in my dream. In real life this boy just got engaged a month ago. I dated him right out of college. I was really into him (he was the complete package.. gorgeous, smart, funny, kind) but I was young, still living at home, and only saw him once every week or sometimes every two weeks. He lived in the city and was a full-time law student so he didn’t really have for a relationship. Then that summer he took a 4 month internship on the other side of the country and we basically lost touch. That was that. I wish I was capable of loving someone and having someone love me. I don’t want to become an old cat lady maid…
Today I plan to hit the gym again: at least one hour of cardio and resistance training.
I hope you got in that gym time! I can't wait for my school's gym to open up on Monday! Don't beat yourself up about the extra snacks. Just start trying to listen to the "angel" side of your Food Mind more than the "devil" side, little by little. Before you know it, the other voice will quieten down.
ReplyDeleteI know how lonely it is to not be in a relationship, even when you aren't the kind of person that HAS to be with someone all the time. I never was that person, but I remember feeling terribly alone at times. I have been with my current boyfriend for almost 3 years, but it's not the greatest thing either, no matter how much I love him.
I think you should make a list of some of the GOOD things about being single to make yourself feel better-- and legitimately so-- until someone DOES come sweep you off your feet.
Good luck! You're almost there :)
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